What's Inside Me; What's Inside My Head

Here's what should be inside me:Here's what's in me now (based on what I saw on the X-ray yesterday):(Excuse the piss-poor photoshop) The angle of the head is wrong; it's kinda canted up a bit. That's the problem. That's what the doctor hopes to fix tomorrow.BTW: When I was looking at the full pelvic X-ray that had both sides, the difference was rather jarring. I never saw the original at the urgent care so I couldn't make that determination myself. Based on what I heard from the doctor yesterday, what I did see (yesterday's X-ray) was consistent with the previous one. There was no change in the situation.

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The more interesting thing is what's in my head at the moment. That thing is mostly fear. The way I deal with fear is through study and preparation. My normal approach here is useless. (Go ahead and click the link. XKCD is awesome and it makes me smile.)I know this is a "routine" procedure. At the same time this is fairly big in terms of possible life-changing outcomes. The worse case that I want to think about is a hip replacement. I'm desperately hoping against that. I'm not looking forward to loosing another summer. The thing I keep thinking about is that there really is no such thing as a "minor" surgery -- anything can become major.The way I deal with problems is by taking control of the outcome. In this case I can't. Control rests with the doctor. Control rested with the doc at the urgent care and he fucked it up which is why I'm in a higher risk category now. I'm not good at letting go of control like this.On top of all that I have the annoying fact that I have two days to think this over. It would've been so much simpler if it happened on Saturday (like it should have) -- like ripping off a bandage. Just having something happen is so much easier than being given the opportunity to mull it over.I'm heading off to the pre-op tests in a couple hours and I guess they'll tell me then when to show up tomorrow.Wish me luck!